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CNN recently reported that the number of actual television channels to be offered to cable customers will swell in the near future to as many as 1,500.

"Wow, dude. It’s a television revolution. Whoa."

And in fact for a scant 2 million viewers the brave new world is already dawning. Discover offers separate channels for aeronautic buffs, health nuts, do-it-your-selfers and history buffs. The Fox Family Channel has announced separate channels for boys and girls.

And not to be outdone, MTV has begun splicing their audience into smooth jazz, country, soul, Latin, hard rock and rap, and they even have a channel dedicated solely to music produced on independent labels.

What first comes to mind is the ability to watch whatever I want to whenever I want to. Unfortunately for these cable television content producers I don’t own a television and have even recently sworn off watching X-Files in my mother’s apartment. More and more it seems like if you’ve seen one X-Files you’ve seen them all – even though I’ve only seen about a dozen. But I digress.

1,500 television channels.

I’ve also been thinking what this means to the cult. Most cult members own televisions and one is even a cable subscriber. And while UPN broadcasts Voyager, how much more appealing would it be to be able to see Janeway not only at any time of the day, but all day long? If Voyager gets its own channel it could happen. The Star Trek Channel.

With only 122 episodes of B5 in the can it is unlikely that there will ever be a B5 channel unless J. Michael decides it would be worthwhile to broadcast starcons and starfests. Now that would be worth the investment of a television and a cable subscription.

There are however at least a couple of problems I foresee in this brave new world of 1,500 channels.

The term coach potato takes on a whole new meaning as it would be virtually impossible to surf through 1,500 channels in the time it takes a normal program to air. In other words, while you’re channel flipping, shows that started or were in progress when you started surfing will already be over by the time you get there – you’ll never even know what you missed. Talk about a time warp.

Finally, the dawn of this brave new era of 1,500 television channels brings with it TV Guides as big as Los Angeles telephone books – daily.

Holy recycling center, Batman.

Indeed, Robin.

By the time you look through the listings to see what you want to watch, it will be over already.

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